Sunday, February 6, 2011

Manic Anger. Period.

I engaged in a conversation at the end of the day that is near and dear to my heart with at least one, and as I understand it now, three individuals that seem to have it out for law enforcement. The discussion was about the OHP Trooper that caused a situation a year or so ago. The conversation went well until I was interrupted and interjections were made before the entire story was told. Furthermore, ignorance was interjected and caused me to lose my grip on reality. I became violently defensive. Yelled, swore and acted as if I were three years old. My heart was racing, my BP must have skyrocketed. I was waiting, poised for a fight. I guarantee my blind rage would have consumed me if my co-workers had not managed to carefully mention that I was out of control. Twenty minutes later, my mind races. My heart rate is still nearly 120 and I am clenching my jaw. Breathing exercises haven't made any discernible difference. I'm scared of what might happen should my buttons be pushed again.

I'm terribly anxious. I feel like crying...but only after I beat someone's face in.

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