So, it's been a while since I wrote anything. I moved to El Paso, Texas about two weeks ago. Took a new job, left my friends and family behind, again. I haven't slept more than two hours per night for nearly the entire two weeks.
My medications continue to "work as intended" but I feel that I am rapidly cycling from mania to depression, often multiple times in a day. I've been taking the medications intended to help me sleep during mania but unfortunately, I am not able to take Seroquel with any regularity as it causes the same side effects as Abilify did, dyskinesia. And more specifically it happens in my tongue. Trying to have a conversation with anyone when it sounds as if I'm having a stroke is more than frustrating. One night, alcohol was my drug of choice but yet again, I slept for about 2 hours and then woke, mind racing.
My diet has consisted mainly of fast food, macaroni and cheese, and popcorn chicken. Oh, and don't forget the massive amounts of Mt. Dew. I don't have the energy nor the desire to actually go outside and enjoy the sun. I have completely stopped exercising and spend most of my days playing computer games and generally loathing my existence. The only thing that truly keeps me grounded is my amazing friend N. She always seems to know the right things to say. Tonight, more than ever, she has helped keep me semi-focused on the good.
I'm sorry mom, for being so unreliable these past few days. It takes every ounce of energy I have just to get out of bed every day. Actually presenting myself to the world is nearly impossible. In fact, I don't even care to be around anyone, social contact is a chore. I hate chores.
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