After I found out I was bipolar I decided that it was a medical problem. I liked that idea, it made me innocent of any wrongdoings. After all, it wasn't my fault if I didn't go to work or skipped meeting someone or lapsed on work I was supposed to be doing. As part of my coping strategy, I stopped trying to compensate as much as I used to and my anxiety level and general frustration fell dramatically. But because I stopped taking as much responsibility as I used to when things went wrong, I also stopped being as effective in gathering the pieces and moving on. In some ways, I became less effective in managing my life after I was diagnosed as being bipolar.
The reality is becoming more complicated. I am innocent of being bipolar - that is beyond my control. And there will be days when I am helpless to do anything, to get on with my life. But my life is my life and I am responsible for that. If I think that the lack of responsibility for being bipolar means a lack of responsibility for my life, I will never really succeed. I dare not afford to think that I am ever helpless, even when I am depressed.
To be responsible means doing everything I can to keep my life moving along. When things are failing and when I am picking up the pieces I have to try as hard as I can. And then try a little harder than that. And just keep on trying.
"Just a little farther. It's just to the mailbox, you can do that." Somehow, I always do.
No comments:
Post a Comment